What Not To DO Around Autobots: Thanksgiving
by Noella50881
Summary: A series of short paragraphs around Thanksgiving with our Favorite Bots. I guess writer's block's letting me write this.
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone. I hope you all have a wonderful feast we all call Thanksgiving. :)

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Dear Pilgrims: We thank you for this wonderful feast we're about to receive and everyone: Pig out! Don't forget to give me all your dessert pies and what not. LOL! :) Ratchet'll have a fit this holiday season, so don't let him know you're pigging out on a nice good 'fatty holiday dinner'. Enjoy!

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What Not To DO Around the Autobots: Thanksgiving Version: Various worlds!

I know this won't do but Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I figured I'd do a short story involving our favorite characters and how they know what type of pigging out we'd do...so onward with the story. :)

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The things Ratchet disliked the most was the holidays because every single human in the base would get over-energized as they ate their fattening meal of turkey, something called stuffing, cranberry sauce, beans, casseroles, high-fat dessert pies, and then falling asleep on the couch, watching football. Ratchet didn't want to move sleeping humans passed out on the couches or floors after eating the high fat dinner they enjoyed. Hours later, the humans ate their fill and then passed out on the couches, bellies fat and full of their high fat dinner. Grumbling, he went to work.

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Optimus Prime liked the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. It was on once a year in New York. Optimus wished he could be in the parade. Many times, he had seen Snoopy, Sponge Bob Square Pants, and the famous singers singing songs of thanks. Optimus decided to use the space bridge to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

Setting up the space bridge, Optimus went through the space bridge and he did an amazing job of getting into the parade before Santa Claus. When all the children and adults saw him, they began to recognize him and cheer. When the parade was over, he drove away, commed Ratchet, asking for a space bridge. When he emerged, Lennox met him, "What'd you do?" He asked. "Made history." Optimus said. "I'm the second most important being other than Santa Claus."

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Wheeljack wanted the humans to have a healthy turkey dinner so he substituted everything with tofu. What happened was a domino effect? Every human refused to eat his tofu turkey, despite it being shaped into one. No one ate the healthy turkey dinner he made. Wheeljack stopped making Thanksgiving dinner. Perhaps, he should try tofu desserts, instead?

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Bumblebee watched his ward eating his dinner. He wondered what turkey tasted like so he decided to visit Wheeljack after Sam had fallen into a stupor of sleep. "Hey, Wheeljack? Why don't we make turkey infused energon? That way we can sample what the humans eat on Thanksgiving?" Wheeljack thought it a great idea and set to work. What happened next? Wheeljack succeeded in shrinking several Autobots with the exception of himself and Ratchet. The both of them fighting and Ratchet hitting him on the helm with a wrench 'til he got the antidote. Now no 'Bot'll sample his Energon concoctions.


	2. Chapter 2: Ironhide and the Pilgrim, etc

Thank you for reviewing and guess what! Another chapter of hilarity. :)

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**Mr Grouchy Pants:**

Lennox and Epps were watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade when they heard grumbling from behind them. Turning to see who was playing, Mr Grouchy Pants, as Annabelle began referring one Mech in particular. Mr Grouchy Pants was Ratchet, who always seemed to have a short spark in his processor. Luckily, the Mech didn't know that his two friends were going to stuffed themselves full and probably pass out in front of the couch watching football later. Or watching football after the Parade ended. Then there'd be two shouts of rivalry between who won and who didn't. Then Ratchet wouldn't be able to work because more people popped in to see the game. They weren't the only two on the base. There were a few soldiers who were working.

Lennox turned around and smiled to Epps, with a plan to give the Medic his worst jibe. Turning to Ratchet, he said, "So, Mr Grouchy Pants, how much turkey did you eat?"

Ratchet paused and a still silence ensued, besides the Parade. Epps and Lennox were looking at him and stifling their laughter. "If I were you both, I would hope and pray that you do not end up in my Med-Bay after you have stuffed yourselves silly because I have something planned for the both of you if you do."

Lennox and Epps burst out laughing as it's not rare that the Medic would say something along the lines of that. Ratchet glared and scoffed. Then he left.

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**Forgetful Stuffing and Fried Turkey**

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were watching Figg, Miles, and Sam tying the turkey to some kind of contraption. Why on Earth would it take three people to fry a simple little bird? When they saw the size of the turkey, their 'mouths' dropped open. "You have to be kidding me? It's so big? How do you expect to fit that bird into that small vat of frying oil?" Sunstreaker said.

"Like this. Stand back, Miles and Sam." They did, and Figg's newest contraption of lowering the turkey worked, and the oil almost sloshed the side.

Sideswipe and Sunstreaker stared in shock at the cooking bird. "So, Figg, did you stuff the turkey before you put it in?" Sunstreaker asked. Figg looked pale then when he remembered the last time he fried a turkey. He forgot to make the stuffing and spent several minutes cooking it while Sam and Miles watched the frying turkey.

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**Ironhide and the Pilgrim**

Annabelle had a school play to enact with her classmates. Ironhide never really understood the story of Plymouth Rock and why she had to dress like a Pilgrim. Her class was enacting 'Thanksgiving Dinner' with the Pilgrims. Ironhide had little patience when it came to certain things, but seeing Annabelle, he mellowed out and went with anything and everything. Heck, the Lennox household trusted him to watch Annabelle when they went out for dinner or the movies. Ironhide was the babysitter.

Now, Annabelle, Will, Sarah, and Ironhide were on the way to the school. Annabelle kept singing 'We Give Thanks'. Their song they'd have to sing during the set up of their table, fake turkey, and other vegetables.

Ironhide parked in front of the school, not noticing a certain cop car in the area. Ironhide watched Will and Sarah go into the building. Where was Annabelle? Suddenly, feeling a light pressure on his seats, he panned a sensor into his cabin. Finding Annabelle, sitting in his seat. "Annabelle? What are you doing in here?"

"I want you to take me in." Annabelle said.

"Well,"

"Please?" Annabelle then begged, her brown eyes wide.

"Well, all right, youngling." Ironhide engaged his holoform and walked around to Annabelle's side and opened the door. Annabelle jumped out and grabbed his hand.

"Well, well, well, if it's Ironhide and the Pilgrim." Barricade mused.

(How did Barricade manage to 'get' into this story? Hmm. Looks like he likes to live dangerously.)

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**Robo-Ball.**

The holidays were worse for Prowl and especially Jazz. Whenever Jazz set himself to spy on his human friends, he found them over-energized or something was in the air. It was either the smell of turkey cooking and football bringing out the spirit of men and women to cheer on a team. Prowl tried to steer clear of anything the humans planned on, but seeing a certain girl in a pilgrims' outfit was the last straw. He glitched and it took 'Grouchy Pants' and Jazz to get him into the Med-Bay. 'Grouchy Pants' grumbling all the way to his Med-Bay where he kept 'Glitchy Prowl' in the Med-Bay until Thanksgiving was over. But for Jazz, it wasn't over yet.

After leaving the Med-Bay, he went back to the Rec-Room where the humans were cheering to a football player running across the field, darting this way, and that way with the ball in his hand. Jazz came up with an idea. "Who wants to play Robo-ball?" He asked. No paid any attention and jumped up when the player scored a point. "YES! YES! YES! You owe me 100 bucks!"

"What?" Jazz asked.

"Oh! Hey Jazz." Epps said. "Lennox owes me a hundred."

"Hmm. Would ya guys like to play Robo-ball?"

"Robo-ball? What's that?"

"It's like football and the both of ya can cheer me on to beat Sides and Sunny."


	3. Chapter 3

**Mr Grouchy Pants and Cranberry Sauce**

Ratchet stared at the small amount of sugary cranberry sauce. It smelled like jelly, looked like jelly, and knew that it probably tasted like jelly. Loaded with sugar and unhealthful ingredients. Sure, cranberries were good for you, but not that way. Why in Primus' name would these humans consume this concoction and not make a horrible face. In fact, they loved it on their sandwiches and why would they love to mix dried cranberries in stuffing when it doesn't belong there? Ratchet wanted to take all the cranberry sauce from the humans.

Touching the mold with a finger, he grimaced at the texture.

"Hey, Mr Grouchy Pants. Would you take some now so I could have some myself?" Lennox called out, knowing that if he tested the medic, he'd never hear the last of it when it came to physicals.

Ratchet growled, "Fine!"

Lennox took the cranberry sauce, now noticing the finger indent in the mold. "Ratch? What'd you do to the cranberry sauce?"

"My signature and _gratitude _to those who eat the cranberry sauce."

(Well, it looks like Ratchet doesn't like cranberry sauce.)

**Optimus Prime and Sweet Potato Casserole**

There's one thing Optimus Prime couldn't really understand was the way humans loved their sweet potato casserole. He had seen several different versions of the concoction. Entirely made with canned sweet potatoes, potatoes, honey, and tiny marshmallows on the top. Sweet potato casserole looked like a dessert than side dish. Watching his friends scoop out a serving or more to add to their dinners, Optimus noticed one of the casseroles with large melted marshmallows on the top, and almost overflowing on the sides. He wondered why this casserole was different than the rest. When he asked, "Why is that one different?"

"They ran out of mini-marshmallows so I used these bigger ones. Besides it tastes good!" one of the humans answered.

"Hmm. Looks messy."

"Don't tell the cook that there's a mess in the oven, though. She'll have a fit."

Optimus somehow knew that with the marshmallows being stuck on in the oven, the cook would have a difficult time cleaning the oven. "Should I have Ironhide roast the rest of the marshmallows in the oven?"

"Nah. He'll destroy the whole oven and then the cook will know what happened to her oven. Just you wait! She'll be running out here in five...four...three...two...one..."

"Okay, who's the dolt who left marshmallows in the oven and didn't clean it out right away?" Multiple fingers pointed to everyone else.

No one really owned up to the marshmallow dilemma.

**Ironhide and Pumpkin Pie**

Ironhide stared at the can of pumpkin pie and wondered how they got a pumpkin in there. Pumpkins were big squashes. "How the Slag did they get that big pumpkin in there?" He wondered. **  
**

Sarah, who had heard him ask that question, didn't hesitate to tell him. "They squeeze them in there, 'Hide. I thought you knew that."

_"Squeeze them in there?" _

"Where would I find a pumpkin?"

"At the grocery store." Sarah said as she thought, _"Why's he wanting to squeeze a pumpkin?"_

Well, Ironhide left and went to the grocery store. He never made a pumpkin pie before and went for the biggest pumpkin he could find. When he got to the garage, he scanned the pumpkin and noticed there was hardly any flesh. "How the slag do these humans squeeze a pumpkin?" He wondered aloud. "Well, maybe I'll just squeeze everything out of it and mash it together." Ironhide squeezed the pumpkin. Juice, seeds, and orange string oozed out of it. He noticed it wasn't turning out right. Maybe he should try some heat, so he did, but it ended up as an orange mess. "Now what?" He asked as he scooped up the burnt remains of the pumpkin. He walked over to Sarah and said, "So, I got a pumpkin and it's ready for the can."

Sarah saw the drippy orange mess and let out a chuckle. "What's that, 'Hide?"

"Pumpkin pie."

Sarah burst out laughing. "Well, 'Hide. You almost had it. They don't use those big jack o'lanterns. They use those smaller pumpkins that say, 'Pie Pumpkins'."

"And where would I find this 'Pie Pumpkin'?" Ironhide asked.

"At the grocery store- but don't you think you should use the pie mix here?"

Ironhide looked at the pre-mixed pumpkin pie mix and nodded. Perhaps he should leave the pumpkin pie making to the humans?

(That's why you shouldn't let Ironhide near pumpkins.)


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for reviewing. My laptop's still broken so I'm unable to use it and update the other stories. It's taking me a lot longer to do anything at all. Plus, I'm having some severe allergies lately. Instead of writing, I've been sleeping a lot lately. So I'm not sure what's going on. I'm always tired so I might be anemic again or just tired from suffering from allergies. Don't know. Some of the times, I get spurts of ideas. And I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy yourselves. :) Thanks for reading my stories.

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**Green Bean Casserole **

_"Green bean casserole?" _Ironhide thought. Why would anyone need cream of mushroom soup and crunchy onion rings from 'Frenches'? Ironhide walked down the aisle with Sarah and Annabelle. Sarah picked up several large cans of onion rings and placed it into her buggy. Ironhide looked at the cans and drew one of them out. A recipe caught his holoform eyes. He read, 'One can of cream of mushroom soup, french style green beans, and a can of crispy onion rings.' A small picture of the casserole looked hearty and was 'America's Favorite Casserole'. "Sarah? Why would you need so many cans of these crispy onion rings for one little casserole dish?" He asked.

"I've got a big family."

Ironhide didn't realize Sarah had a whole family. "You do?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"You guys. You've got a lot to be thankful for, too."

"Thanks Sarah. I guess we do."

(That's nice.)

**Prowl and Thanksgiving with Me **

Prowl didn't understand 'Thanksgiving' that much. He didn't see the reason why so many Americans celebrated this holiday and to pig out on their high fat dinners. It wasn't logical to celebrate something so trivial. It didn't make sense whatsoever. He decided to see Elizabeth for an explanation. Prowl promised he wouldn't glitch when he received his answer.

He walked into the large room decorated with long tables, tablecloths with turkeys, a centerpiece, plates, plastic silverware, and a serving table. Apparently, the tables weren't the only things that were decorated. The whole room was decorated in fall festive colors. When he saw Elizabeth standing on the ladder, he waited until she climbed down before asking his question.

"Elizabeth? A word please."

I looked at him and asked, "Yes?"

"Why do you eat this high fat food? What is the point of Thanksgiving?"

"Well, Prowl. It's a time where we didn't have food for the winter and so the Indians gave us something so that we wouldn't starve for the winter. We've got a lot to be thankful for and without them, Thanksgiving wouldn't exist." I answered. "What are you thankful for?"

"Meeting you." Prowl said. "And thank you for not making me glitch."

"Why?"

"Because Lennox and Epps have a way of making me glitch."

"They're so good at that. Steer clear of those two, they're out for trouble."

**Bumblebee and Mixed Nuts**

There's a reason why Bumblebee doesn't pick nuts off the trees. He crushes the nuts already on the ground into walnut butter. Speaking of which, Bumblebee decided to surprise Sam and Mikaela with freshly pressed walnut butter. He de-shelled walnuts and crushed them into a paste.

Sam and Mikaela walked over to Bumblebee. He held his servos together and Sam noticed, "Hey, Bee. What's up?"

"Walnut butter anyone?"

Sam and Mikaela looked at the nutty mess on his servo and pedes. "Um, Bee. How are you going to transform back into your alt?" Sam asked.

Bee looked down at his servo and pedes. "Um, I'll get back to you on that one." _"Slag! How am I going to get this slag off me now?" _He thought.

(Maybe that's why you don't take an Autobot out to an area where you pick your own walnuts and mixed nuts.)


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy Thanksgiving.**

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**Loads of turkeys**

Optimus Prime pulled into the base, noticing a huge refrigerator truck in the hangar. The back of the truck was open and men were unloading a bunch of frozen items onto a cart. Looking closely at the items, he noticed they weren't just vegetables or the regular foodstuffs the human soldiers eat. They were turkeys. Tons of turkeys. When he saw Lennox, he frowned. Lennox was reading something a man gave him and he looked paler than before. Optimus walked over, startling the man.

"What's wrong, Major?" Optimus asked.

"Someone ordered 500 turkeys and charged it the military account with the name of Richard Sides. I can only guess that Richard Sides happens to be Sideswipe." Lennox said.

"I shall be back." Optimus said, leaving Lennox alone.

When Lennox was done, he spotted Optimus and Sideswipe standing together. "Aww! Optimus! I was just tryin' to help."

"Sideswipe: the government's bank account isn't meant for this-"

"You can help by donating all those turkeys to charity organizations." Lennox suggested. "That way people without food can have turkeys. I know many people don't have one to celebrate Thanksgiving and plus, it feels good to give to charity."

"Very well. Sideswipe, you will donate all those turkeys to charitable organizations. Re-load the truck and take those turkeys to every charity organization there is that's serving citizens."

"But Optimus, sir! It's late and-"

"Would you rather spend your time in the brig?" Optimus asked.

"No sir." Sideswipe said, deflated.

"Then get with it. Go!" Optimus ordered.

Sideswipe left and Lennox and Optimus stood there. "Well, that worked for the turkeys. What about his brother?"

"What'd his brother order?"

"1,000 cases of 'Turtle Wax' and sunny yellow paint."

Optimus pinched the bridge of his nose and off-lined his optics. He shook his head. "When will those two ever learn?"

"Never?"

(Wow! Never let Sideswipe and Sunstreaker handle any money or credit cards.)

**Sarah, Ironhide, and Thermometers**

Ironhide watched Sarah make the stuffing for all five waiting birds. The vegetables were already made and were sitting there on warm. Mixing the mushrooms, onions, and butter into the mix, Sarah smiled when the stuffing was just perfect. Filling up all five turkeys with stuffing, Sarah said, "Okay, Ironhide. They're all ready."

Ironhide placed each turkey in the oven. "So, now what?"

"We wait."

"For how long?"

"Whenever the little thermometer pops up."

"Hmm. It wouldn't do if I took out all of them ahead of schedule, now would it?" Ironhide asked, producing the thermometers.

"Slag." Sarah said, shaking her head.


End file.
